Memoirs of Emma Courtney Read online

  From this period Mrs Harley was more guarded in her conduct; shecarefully avoided the mention of her son.--Under pretence of having analteration made in the frame, she removed his picture from the library;but the constraint she put upon herself was too evident and painful;we no longer sought, with equal ardour, an interchange of sentiment,reserve took place of the tender confidence of friendship; a thousandtimes, while I gazed upon her dear averted countenance, I yearned tothrow myself upon her bosom, to weep, to unfold to her the inmostrecesses of my mind--that ingenuous mind, which languished forcommunication, and preyed upon itself! Dear and cruel friend, why didyou transfix my heart with the barbed and envenomed arrow, and thenrefuse to administer the only healing balsam?

  My visits to Mrs Harley became less frequent; I shut myself up wholedays in my apartment, at Morton Park, or wandered through its nowleafless groves, absorbed in meditation--fostering the sicklysensibility of my soul, and nursing wild, improbable, chimerical,visions of felicity, that, touched by the sober wand of truth, wouldhave 'melted into thin air.' 'The more desires I have' (observes anacute, and profound French Philosopher[4]) 'the less ardent they are.The torrents that divide themselves into many branches are the leastdangerous in their course. A strong passion is a solitary passion, thatconcentrates all our desires within one point.'

  [Footnote 4: Helvetius.]

  CHAPTER XIX

  I had not seen my friend for many days, when, on a dark and stormynight, in the month of January, between nine and ten o'clock, the familyat Morton Park were alarmed, by a loud and violent knocking at the halldoor.

  On opening it, a servant appeared--and a chaise, the porter havingunbolted the great gates, drew up to the door. The man delivered a noteaddressed to Miss Courtney. I was unacquainted with the handwriting, andunfolded it with trepidation. It contained but a few lines, written in afemale character, and signed with the name of a lady, who resided abouttwelve miles from Morton Park, at whose house Mrs Harley sometimes madea visit of a few days. It stated--

  'That my friend was seized at the mansion of this lady with anapoplectic fit, from which she had been restored, after some hoursof insensibility: that the physicians were apprehensive of a relapse,and that Mrs Harley had expressed a desire of seeing Miss Courtney--Acarriage and servants were sent for her conveyance.'

  Mr Morton was from home, his lady made no offer of any of her owndomestics to accompany me. Montague, who had been at the Park for somedays past, solicited permission to be my escort. I hesitated a moment,and would willingly have declined this proposal, but he repeated andenforced it with a vehemence, that, in the present hurried state ofmy mind, I had not spirits to oppose. Shocked, alarmed, distressed, Iwrapped a shawl round me, and sprang into the chaise. Montague steppedin after me, and seated himself by my side; the horses galloped, orrather flew down the avenue, that led to the high road.

  We travelled with great swiftness, and in uninterrupted silence forsome miles: the darkness was so thick and profound, that I could notdiscover the road we took, and I began to feel very impatient to arriveat the place of our destination. I questioned my companion respectinghis knowledge of our situation, and expressed an apprehension, that wemight possibly have missed the way. He made no reply to my interrogation,but, starting as if from a reverie, seized my hand, while his owntrembled with a visible agitation, and began once more to urge a suit,which I had hoped the steadiness and consistency of my conduct hadinduced him entirely to relinquish.

  'Is this a time, Mr Montague, for an address of this nature--doyou believe, that my favour is to be gained by these proofs ofinconsideration? Have some respect for the claims of humanity andfriendship, and, in seeking my affection, do not forfeit my esteem.'

  He was about to reply, and I could perceive by the few words which heuttered, and by the tone of his voice, that he struggled, in vain, torein in his quick and irascible spirit; when, in turning a sharp angleof the road, the horses took fright at some object, indistinctly seen,and ran precipitately down a steep hill, with a velocity that threatenedimmediate destruction.

  My companion, forcing open the door, seemed inclined to leap from thecarriage, but hesitated, as if unwilling to desert me in so imminent adanger; I exhorted him to think only of providing for his own safety,and, letting down the glasses on the side on which I sat, I resignedmyself to my fate. In springing from the chaise, by some means, Montagueentangled his coat in the step--he fell, without clearing it, and Ifelt, with a horror that congealed my blood, the wheel go over him. Ina few minutes, I perceived a traveller, at the risque of his own life,endeavouring to stop the horses--the pole of the chaise striking himwith great force, he was obliged to relinquish his humane efforts--butthis impediment occasioning the restive animals to turn out of the road,they ran furiously up a bank, and overset the carriage. I felt it going,and sitting, with my arms folded, close in the lower corner, fell withit, without attempting to struggle, by which means I escaped unhurt.

  The stranger, once more, came to our assistance, and, the mettle of thehorses being now pretty well exhausted, my deliverer was enabled to cutthe traces, and then hastened to extricate me from my perilous situation.It was some time before I recovered myself sufficiently to thank him forhis humanity, and to assure him, that I had received no other injurythan from my fears. I then mentioned to him, my apprehensions for thefate of my fellow traveller, entreating that he would return with me insearch of him. With this request he immediately complied, leaving thehorses in the care of the servants, neither of which had received anymaterial hurt.

  We soon discovered the unfortunate Montague, lying in the road, in amelancholy situation: the wheel had gone over one of his legs, the boneof which was broken and splintered in a terrible manner, and, havingfainted from the pain, we were at first apprehensive that he was alreadydead. Turning from this shocking spectacle, a faint sickness overspreadmy heart, the stranger supported me in his arms, while a violent burstof tears preserved me from swooning. My companion examining the body,perceived signs of life, and, by our united efforts, sense andrecollection were soon restored.

  I remained with Montague while the stranger returned to the carriage, toenquire what damages it had received, and whether it was in a conditionto proceed to the next village, which, the postilion informed him, wasnear two miles from the spot where the accident had happened, and we were,yet, five miles from the place whither we were going. The axle-tree andone of the hind wheels, upon examination, were found broken, the traceshad been cut in pieces, and the horses, had the chaise been in a bettercondition, were so unmanageable, in consequence of their late fright,that it would have been dangerous to have attempted putting them againinto harness.

  With this intelligence, our kind friend came back to us--We held a shortconsultation, on the means most proper to be adopted, and, at length itwas determined, that, after placing Montague in the carriage, where heshould be sheltered from the inclemency of the elements, and leaving himin the charge of the servants, the traveller and myself should walkonward to the village, and send a chaise, or litter, for the conveyanceof our unfortunate companion.

  To this proposal Montague assented, at the same time, declaring it to behis intention, to proceed directly across the country, to the house ofhis father, which could not, he conjectured, be at any great distance,and where he should be assured of meeting with greater attention, andmore skilful assistance, than at a petty inn, in a paltry village.Having thus adjusted our plan, and, with the help of the servants,carefully placed Montague in the chaise, we proceeded towards thevillage.

  CHAPTER XX

  The night was tempestuous, and, though the moon was now rising, herlight was every moment obscured by dark clouds, discharging frequentand heavy showers of rain, accompanied by furious gusts of wind. Afterwalking near a mile we entered upon a wide heath, which afforded noshelter from the weather. I perceived my companion's steps began to growfeeble, and his voice faint. The moon suddenly emerging from a thickcloud, I observed his countenance, and methought his
features seemedfamiliar to me; but they were overspread by a pallid and death-like hue.He stopped suddenly--

  'I am very ill,' said he, in a tone of voice that penetrated into mysoul, 'and can proceed no further.'

  He sunk upon the turf. Seating myself beside him, while his head fellon my shoulder, I threw around him my supporting arms. His temples werebedewed with a cold sweat, and he appeared to be in expiring agonies. Aviolent sickness succeeded, followed by an hemorrhage.

  'Gracious God!' I exclaimed, 'you have broken a blood vessel!'

  'I fear so,' he replied. 'I have felt strangely disordered since theblow I received from the pole of the carriage; but, till this moment, Ihave not been at leisure to attend to my sensations.'

  'Do not talk,' cried I, wildly; 'do not exhaust yourself.'

  Again the clouds gathered; an impetuous gust of wind swept over theheath, and the rain fell in torrents. Unconscious of what I did, Iclasped the stranger to my throbbing bosom,--the coldness of deathseemed upon him--I wrapped my shawl around him, vainly attemptingto screen him from the piercing blast. He spake not; my terrifiedimagination already represented him as a lifeless corpse; I satmotionless for some minutes, in the torpor of despair.

  From this horrible situation, I was, at length, roused, by the soundof a distant team: breathless, I listened for a few moments; I againdistinctly heard it wafted upon the wind; when, gently reclining mycharge on the grass, I started from the ground, and ran swiftly towardsthe highway. The sound approached, and the clouds once more breaking,and discovering a watery moon-light gleam, I perceived, with joy, awaggon loaded with hay. I bounded over a part of the turf that stillseparated me from the road, and accosting the driver, explained tohim, in a few words, as much of my situation as was necessary; and,entreating his assistance, allured him by the hope of a reward.

  We returned to my patient; he raised his head on my approach, andattempted to speak; but, enjoining him silence, he took my hand, and, bya gentle pressure, expressed his sense of my cares more eloquently thanby words. I assisted the countryman in supporting him to the road. Weprepared for him, in the waggon, a soft bed of hay, upon which we placedhim; and, resting his head on my lap, we proceeded gently to the nearestvillage. On our arrival at an indifferent inn, I ordered a bed to beimmediately prepared for him, and sent a man and horse express, to thenext town, for medical assistance: at the same time, relating in briefthe accidents of the night, I dispatched a carriage for the relief ofMontague, who was conveyed, according to his wishes, to the house of hisfather.

  Notwithstanding all my precautions, the moving brought on a relapse ofthe alarming symptoms; the discharge of blood returned with aggravatedviolence, and, when the physician arrived, there appeared in theunfortunate sufferer but little signs of life; but by the application ofstyptics and cordials he once more began to revive; and, about five inthe morning, I was prevailed on, by the joint efforts of the landladyand the humane Dr----, to resign my seat at the bed's head to a carefulservant, and to recruit my exhausted strength by a few hours' repose.

  The vivid impressions, which had so rapidly succeeded each other in mymind, for some time kept me waking, in a state of feverish agitation;but my harrassed spirits were at length relieved by wearied nature'skind restorer, and I slept for four hours profoundly.

  On waking, my first enquiry was after my companion, in whose state Ifelt an unusual degree of interest; and I heard, with pleasure, thatthe hemorrhage had not returned; that he had rested with apparenttranquillity, and appeared revived. I dressed myself hastily, andpassed into his apartment: he faintly smiled on perceiving my approach,and gave me his hand.--The physician had ordered him to be kept quiet,and I would not suffer him to speak; but, contemplating more attentivelyhis countenance, which had the night before struck me with a confusedrecollection--what were my emotions, on tracing the beloved features ofAugustus Harley! His resemblance, not only to the portrait, but to hismother, could not, as I thought, be mistaken. A universal tremblingseized me--I hastened out of the apartment with tottering steps, andshutting myself into my chamber, a tide of melancholy emotions gushedupon my heart. I wept, without knowing wherefore, tears half delicious,half agonizing! Quickly coming to myself, I returned to the chamber ofmy patient, (now more tenderly endeared) which, officiating as a nursefor five days, I never quitted, except to take necessary rest andrefreshment.

  I had written to Mr Morton a minute account of all that happened, merelysuppressing the name of my deliverer: to this letter I received no reply;but had the pleasure of hearing, on the return of my messenger (who wascommissioned to make enquiries), that Mrs Harley had suffered no returnof her disorder, and was daily acquiring health and strength--I feared,yet, to acquaint her with the situation of her son; not only on theaccount of her own late critical situation, but, also, lest any suddenagitation of spirits from the arrival of his mother, might, in hispresent weak state, be fatal to Augustus.

  I now redoubled for him my cares and attentions: he grew hourly better;and, when permitted to converse, expressed in lively terms his gratefulsense of my kindness. Ah! why did I misconstrue these emotions, sonatural in such circumstances--why did I flatter my heart with thebelief of a sympathy which did not, could not, exist!

  CHAPTER XXI

  As my patient began to acquire strength, I demanded of him his nameand family, that I might inform his friends of his situation. On hisanswering 'Harley,' I enquired, smiling--

  If he remembered hearing his mother speak of a little _Protege_, EmmaCourtney, whom she favoured with her partial friendship?

  'Oh, yes!'--and his curiosity had been strongly awakened to procure asight of this lady.

  'Behold her, then, in your nurse!'

  'Is it possible!' he exclaimed, taking my hand, and pressing it with hislips--'My sister!--my friend!--how shall I ever pay the debt I owe you?'

  'We will settle that matter another time; but it is now become properthat I should inform your excellent mother of what has happened, which Ihave hitherto delayed, lest surprise should be prejudicial to you, andretard your recovery.'

  I then recounted to him the particulars of the late occurrences, ofwhich he had before but a confused notion; adding my surprise, that Ihad neither seen, nor heard, any thing from Mr Morton.

  He informed me, in his turn, that, having received an express, informinghim of his mother's alarming situation, he immediately quitted the seatof his friend, where he was on a visit, to hasten to her; that, for thispurpose, riding late, he by some means bewildered himself through thedarkness of the evening, by which mistake he encountered our chaise, andhe hoped was, in some measure, notwithstanding the accidents which ensued,accessary to my preservation.

  I quitted him to write to my friend, whom I, at length, judged itnecessary to acquaint with his situation. On the receipt of my letter,she flew to us on the wings of maternal tenderness--folded her belovedAugustus, and myself, alternately to her affectionate bosom, calling us'her children--her darling children!--I was her guardian angel--_thepreserver of her son!_--and _he_ only could repay my goodness!' Iventured to raise my eyes to him--they met his--mine were humid withtears of tenderness: a cloud passed over his brow--he entreated hismother to restrain her transports--he was yet too enfeebled to bearthese emotions. She recollected herself in an instant; and, after againembracing him, leaning on my arm, walked out into the air, to relievethe tumultuous sensations that pressed upon her heart.

  Once more she made me recite, minutely, the late events--strained me inher arms, repeatedly calling me--

  'Her beloved daughter--the meritorious child of her affections--thepreserver of her Augustus!'

  Every word she uttered sunk deep into my soul, that greedily absorbedthe delicious poison, prepared for me by the cruel hand of more thanmaternal fondness.

  I mentioned to her my having written to Mr Morton, and my astonishmentat his silence.

  He had not yet returned, she informed me, to Morton Park; and intimated,that some malicious stories, respecting my sudden disap
pearance, hadbeen circulated by Mrs Morton through the neighbourhood. She had herselfbeen under extreme solicitude on my account. It was generally believed,from the turn Mrs Morton's malice had given to the affair, that I hadeloped with Mr Montague:--the accident which had befallen him had beenrumoured; but the circumstances, and the occasion of it, had beenvariously related. Confiding in my principles, she had waited withanxiety for the elucidation of these mysterious accounts; lamentingherself as the innocent occasion of them, yet assured they would,eventually, prove to my honour. She commended the magnanimity, which herpartial friendship imputed to my behaviour, with all the enthusiasm ofaffection, and execrated the baseness of Mrs Morton, who, havingreceived my letter, must have been acquainted with the real truth.

  Her narration gave me many complicated, and painful, sensations; but thegood opinion of the world, however desirable it may be, as connectedwith our utility, has ever been with me but a secondary consideration.Confiding in the rectitude of my own conduct, I composed my spirits;depending on that rectitude, and time, for removing the malignantaspersions which at present clouded my fame. The tale of slander, thebasis of which is falsehood, will quietly wear away; and should itnot--how unfounded, frequently, are the censures of the world--howconfused its judgments! I entreated my friend to say nothing, atpresent, to her son on this subject; it was yet of importance that hismind should be kept still and tranquil.